Where is my F*&!ing Refund????

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I was pretty angry about not being able, after several attempts, to get my unused funds refunded by my Clinic. It's been one delay after another.

I, uh, wrote a pretty angry post.

So far, I think....only musicmakermomma actually read my angry words.

I'm a bit embarrassed at my repeated use of the F word.

Oh boy.

Well, at midnight I came back to delete.

I hate sounding so angry.

But thank you, Jill, for understanding.

Let's just all move on to tomorrow.
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Less Certainty = More Relaxed

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In April I set up a table in a Word document and created a calendar. The first day was April 19. In each square of the calendar I typed in the IF meds I was to take that day, when AF came, when my U/S's took place, how thick my lining was, what my b/w results were. And as the days came and went, I marked off the meds I took by highlighting them in green. Green means "go" right?...each bit of green ostensibly carried me one day closer to our transfer.

In the May 19 square, in capital letters, highlighted in red, are the words: STOP ALL MEDS; CYCLE CANCELLED. Not that I needed to see in on the calendar lest I forget and accidentally have my DH give me the Delestrogen shot. I think the act of typing the words and highlighting them were more symbolic - like pounding my fist on the table.

Rather than create a new calendar for our current cycle, I simply added onto the existing one. In a strange way I enjoy looking back at those first weeks. The days when I thought nothing would go wrong. When I took the meds and crossed them off eagerly. I thought that when I finished the Lupron, I was forever finished with Lupron. I was oh so careful about what I ate and drank and made sure I took the meds at precisely the same moment each day.

I'm crossing off the meds again in green. U/S and b/w dates are listed, waiting for lining thickness and E2 values to be filled in. I see the words "tentative transfer date" highlighted in yellow (caution!) in a square just 3 weeks from now.

I'm less sure this time. Less sure we will get to transfer without a cancellation. Less sure my numbers will go the way I want them to. Less sure that things will go without a hitch. But strangely, I feel more relaxed. I'm not as worried about what I'm eating (oh - but I should be - after chocolate silk pie, toll house cookies and wine over the weekend). I'm less worried about what time I take the meds as long as it is within a certain window. I don't care which doc at the outside monitoring clinic wands me anymore. Whatever. Just get the job done, buddy, okay? I'm all together less consumed by the whole thing this time. Which, you know, feels much better.

Other tidbits:
I accepted the job offer today. Soon-to-be boss is okay with me starting after my "procedure." Presuming (ha!) that in fact it happens on time!

I transplanted my cantaloupe plants again - to large planter boxes where they will get more sunlight. This is their 3rd re-location, and if they survive and actually produce fruit, it will be a miracle! Tomatoes and red bell peppers continue to grow.
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Hello, Lupron, My Old Friend

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First, I want to thank Alex P for explaining why a creditor has little incentive to credit unused funds back to your credit card. When they refund you, they pay a fee to the credit card company amounting to a percentage of the charge amount. My Clinic can drag its feet all they want. It's now a matter of principle, and I will get the refund even if the new charge for this cycle is applied the next day!

My new shipment of meds arrived yesterday, including a new vial of Lupron.

I had some Lupron left over from my last cycle. It's been in it's box, tucked in a drawer in the refrigerator. My IVF coordinator said it is okay to use the old Lupron as long as it has been in the refrigerator.

Have any of you heard that unused Lupron should be discarded? Just wondering. I don't want to screw up this cycle using Lupron that has lost efficacy (the expiration day is 2011, but I'm not sure whether that only applies to an unopened vial).

Finally, on the job front. I guess I will accept the state job offer. I previously told the boss I'm having a "procedure" that could take place early in July. Hoping that we actually get to transfer this time, I'd like to tell her that I prefer to start work July 13, after I "recover" from the procedure. It would allow me a week of rest following the transfer. I would rather not to add stress to my life during such a precarious time. It's stressful enough as it is!
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And the Magic Number is.....Not So Much

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Well, so much for my crazy blog header. I guess simpler is better. As a compromise, I created yet a new header, but much more like my old one.

In other news, the Prospective Employer emailed me today with the salary offer.

It's not good. The salary is more than 40% less than what I earned at my last job. After taxes, I will bring home $400 per month LESS than I need to cover my monthly expenses. That's purely expenses - no extras or luxuries.

I will have to pay to have a job. This is not what I expected.

My DH and hashed it out. We can cover the deficit if we make some changes. Get rid of the cable TV and newspaper. No more dining out at all. Buy only groceries on sale - no expensive meats or out of season anything. Tighten our belts significantly. I may try to find a per diem nursing position so that I can work a few extra days a month. My retirement fund will come to a screeching halt.

But as my DH reminded me, this is not forever. This will just buy us a little time, perhaps. You may be wondering why the pay is so low. It's because this is an attorney position with the state. This particular department is involved in health care, so it seems a perfect fit for my law/nursing background. The boss is a fantastic lady. The hours are reasonable. The benefits good. It could take my career to a place I'd like to go.

My former job was at a private law firm. Private law firms pay way better than state positions. Did you know there is a huge shortage of judges in this country? They can't get enough experienced attorneys to apply for judgeships. Do you know why? Because a judge, who is a public employee, earns crap as compared to an attorney in private practice. Just as an example, a magistrate judge in California might earn $150,000 a year. A 15 year attorney who is a partner at a law firm could easily be pulling in $500,000 or more a year. You think those fat cats are going to leave their cushy firm jobs for a crummy $150k? No way.

So why not get a position with another private firm? Ha. No way. Been there, done that. IN MY OPINION and ONLY IN MY OPINION (that was the O.prah b.eef industry caveat, for those of you who remember), law firms are good ole boy clubs where women are second class citizens and associates are treated like furniture. Sit there and be quiet but be ready to do what I ask when I ask. Sell your soul and give your life for the firm. I refuse to live my life that way anymore. I was miserable.

So where does this leave me? Frustrated. Disappointed. Worried. Scared. But also hopeful that we can make it work, that I will love the job and that in the end, it will be worth it.
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You're In the Right Place

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New blog look. I got crazy with the camera today. Do you like it? Or does it give you a headache and push you to the brink of a seizure? Is it too much? I can go back to the simple egg header.

One thing....I now know that we have a LOT of expired food items in our house!

UPDATE: AT the brilliant suggestion of musicmakermomma, I added a short survey to your right. Thanks!
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Updates

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Weird, overcast, white-sky, silent world kind of day. It makes me want to take a nap for some reason.

Here are a few update items:

(1) Prospective job. Waiting to find out proposed salary. The person who offered the job did not know the salary b/c it is apparently an HR issue. I had a frank discussion with her about my need to cover expenses. Largely because of (a) our outrageous and grossly upside down mortgage and (b) my expensive student loans, plus other typical household expenses (not even raising the IF issue), the job has to pay enough or I simply cannot accept. She was kind and understanding is working relentlessly to "prove" to HR that I am worth a high salary.

(2) Job interview? When it rains, it pours. I received a call today from a different office, but in the same department as Prospective Job (1) above. You know, when you are looking for a job, you apply everywhere. The woman invited me to interview next week for a job in this other office. Uh, ok. I made the interview appointment, but it feels a little weird. Obviously (1) and (2) are not aware of each other. I did not know what to say. I have not accepted or declined the other position yet, so I thought it was okay to make the interview appointment. Should I have handled this differently?

(3) Insurance. I sent my receipts from the outside monitoring clinic together with a claim form to the very nice insurance representative whom I spoke with last week. She let me know my paperwork is in the queue. In 30 days or so I should know whether I'll get some of the money for U/S's and b/w reimbursed.

(4) FET. In 4 weeks we should be heading to the Clinic for my FET. Ha! I know better than to count those chickens yet, though. Four weeks of every little detail playing out perfectly so that we can drive to the Clinic for the FET....that's what I meant to say.

(5) Clinic. Speaking of my primary Clinic, I'm a little irked with them at the moment too (always a fight....everything always has to be a fight). They require payment in full upon starting stim meds. Ok. So last month they charged approximately $6,300 to my credit card for the FET. The week after the FET was cancelled, I called to ask whether they had credited the funds (minus their $750 fee for services rendered) to my credit card. Here was the conversation:

Financial Person: Oh, are you not going to do another cycle?

Me: Yes, we are, right away.

Her: Well, then either we can refund the money, minus our fee, or we can just leave the money on the books which will be applied to your next cycle.

Me: I prefer to have the funds credited to my credit card, thank you.

Her: [sounding not happy about my election] Ok. I have to get it approved by my manager first. He'll be in the office tomorrow.

Me: Great. Thank you.

Why is she so bent out of shape that I want my $5,600 refunded to me? IT'S MY MONEY. Hello? Yeah, it will be YOUR money again later in the month, but if you had refunded it to me immediately, it would not have already shown up on my credit card bill, and could remain in my bank account whereupon I collect interest. She can't guarantee this cycle won't be cancelled either. Just how long does she think I want my $5,600 posted on their books?

That conversation was a week ago. I emailed her again today to ask about my refund. She responded saying she will check with the office manager when he gets in today. What is the problem????? I'm a little ticked about it. I'm really sorry if this charge on/charge off creates burdensome office work, but paying up front is their rule. I would suggest charging the $750 the day I start the stims and then charge me the rest the day I walk out of the Clinic after my FET. Why would that be so difficult? It would seem to make more sense. But, hey, I'm just playing by their rules.
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Sing it, Gene!

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Did you ever see the movie "Sleep;less in S;eattle"? Okay, yeah, total gooey chick flick. Every once in a while I get a kick out of seeing that movie. T.om H.anks' character and his kid live on a cool houseboat in Seattle. Tom's wife died and after a year or two, he begins trying to date again. Eventually his adorable kid sets him up with the adorable M.eg R.yan. Anyway, Tom goes on his first date since losing his wife. The woman (not Meg) was....well...not right for him. As accompaniment to the scene after the date, they played the original G.ene A.utry version of "B.ack in the S;addle Again." It was supposed to signal Tom getting his groove back, if you know what I mean.

This morning I went to the outside monitoring clinic for an U/S and E2 level. This afternoon my IVF coordinator called. Here are my stats:

Lining: thin
Ovaries: clear
E2: 30 (nice and low)

Back on BCPs today. Start Lupron Saturday. Delestrogen should start sometime during the week of June 15.

If all goes well (whispering prayers, holding my breath and knocking and wood), our new FET transfer date will be July 2nd or July 3rd.

As the IVF coordinator gave me my orders, I heard G.ene A.utry in my head, singing "B.ack in the S.addle Again." It sounded wonderful.
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