Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Change of Heart

Well, I was going to write a post defending myself against the couple of attacking comments to my last post.

But to those who know and understand me, no defense or explanation is necessary.

To those who don't, nothing I say will matter anyway.

Besides, two things are more important.

One, is that EB at IVF 40+ Path to Parenthood just found out she's pregnant. My heart is so full of happiness for her that I refuse to make room for bitterness. Congratulations, EB! I can't wait to follow your pregnancy over the next nine months!

Two, is that Alex P. who understood and defended me, wrote a really beautiful post about giving. Read it. I guarantee it will warm your heart and give you new (or renewed) perspective about the meaning of the season. Thanks, Alex.

And in light of Alex's post about giving, let me say that all of you give me so much. You warm my heart with your kindness, your blogs, your tenderness for each other and your ability to reach out and say just the right thing. There is so much give and take in this community, in just the right proportion, it is a true testament to the goodness of the human spirit.


Anonymous said...

Well, crap. Just sent huge comment which got sucked into the vortex - who knows what happened! Anyway, I support you in whatever birth style you choose, or feel is necessary! Good luck hon, and I agree that keeping your eye on the prize (baby!) is the most important thing -

niobe said...

Love this post. For so many different reasons.

IVF 40+ said...

I went back and read the pissy comments.For fucks sake. What did they read?? If people spent more time trying to understand and less time defending we might not have as many issues in the world. And lets face it, the whole commentary thing is great if you act with the best of intentions, otherwise its like high school.

I agree with Niobe - you acted with nobility and civility.

Thank you for the wonderful words about the BFP my dear friend.

Mad Hatter said...

I, too, had to go back and read those comments. It's quite amazing how when everyone is making their fertility treatment or adoption choices on their blogs it seems that there is no judgement whatsoever - but as soon as these blogs move into the birth phase all the claws come out. The most feminist approach (since it's been brought up) would be if we could all be secure enough with our own feelings and choices to ALLOW other women to have theirs without taking it personally and jumping all over them. There is no right or wrong way to feel about giving birth. If people want to express a different point of view, a "this-is-how-I-see-it" comment, then we can all have a respectful and educational discussion without it spiralling into mudslinging. I'm sorry, Besty - you've always been such a kind and supportive blogger friend and I'm sad that you didn't receive the same respect and generosity in return.

Christina said...

My apologies if my last comment gave you bad feelings of any kind and left you feeling attacked. Those who know me would know that it certainly wasn't intended that way; although I do understand that intent really doesn't matter, only how it made you feel. I'm sorry.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes.

Alex P said...

Awww schmuffins! Now I'm all teary! (not really, but almost. Like I said, Im a squishy girl) Thanks for the props.

I'm happy that you got a smile from my latest entry. I always get one from your blog, I am so excited for this big new world you're entering, and how positive you are with all the different things you are encountering. (But I also love the funny wacky P stories. So don't stop sharing- they're hilarious... maybe you can just take them to heart with "there but for the grace of common sense go I..." )

You are an amazing lady and you give your love and support to all the other bloggies. I for one appreciate that so much.

Thank you for everything you say and do.
Happy Holidays!

K said...

Wow, I just read the comments on your last post. Shame, shame on people for grinding their own axes on your blog. Clearly somebody needs counseling....and it's NOT you.

anofferingoflove said...

Yikes, just read the comments on the last post. Sorry you felt attacked in your space here. For what it's worth, I totally understand your perspective. Before we started trying, I had a lot of expectations for the natural birth I wanted. After 2+ years of trying, IVF, and a m/c though, all I wanted was a healthy baby. I had so much anxiety about something going wrong at the end...healthy babe was all that mattered. Anyhow, do what is right for you and I'll be here cheering you on.

looking4#3 said...

Like PPs, I too had to go back and read the last post and then the comments. I couldn't imagine what ANYONE could have commented about YOUR personal birth plan or choice, day care or preferences??

While I had a definite "preferred" natural birth plan when having my daughter, all of that went right out the window when her life and mine were on the line. (for obvious reasons, I will not go into the details)
Because I had what I imagined a natural birth to be (which I still believe was reasonable), and it did not go that way in any respect, I was disappointed in myself. I set myself up for a fall. Unlike you, I did not even think about the possibility that things might not go the way I "wanted" them to go. Had I had the open mind, the way you are going into this, I think it would have given me the power to forgive myself for not having what I thought was supposed to be the "perfect" birth. I never expected or wanted a c-section (especially not one with a vertical incision, severed stomach muscles and 37 staples) but, I am here and my daughter is here--with out my "battle scars" neither of us would be!!!

You are a classy, intelligent, well spoken woman who has handled this with complete grace. But, I know, you know, how I feel about you already!!!!

PS--totally off subject here--I am dying to know about StillHopeful!!! Are you as curious as I am?? I can't wait to hear!!

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

Argh! I just had to go back like everyone else and read the last post and couldn't believe it. It drives me nuts when people attack you because your opinions do not match their own. I had a similar experience when I wrote into Rachael Ray magazine a few months ago, offended by some Halloween cupcakes that showed disembodied baby's arms reaching out from the dirt. Granted, I was super sensitive having recently had a m/c. And while some people wrote in to agree with me, I was stunned that of the people who disagreed, instead of just saying "I disagree, I love those cupcakes", they felt the need to attack me. Sigh, I don't get people sometimes.

Like you said, for anyone who knows you through this blog, you are thoughtful and kind and considerate. You were not pooping on other people's choices, you were merely expressing your own. You are allowed to do this! But, for you, having tried so hard for so long for this bean, your priority is the baby, not your experience. I get that. I actually was nodding when I first read that line, I totally agreed and plan to plagiarize it should I ever get pg again. Other people are certainly welcome to have different opinions, but attacking you on your blog and certainly telling you that YOUR opinion is wrong is just so lame.

Blogging is about thinking out loud and welcoming different opinions but not attacks. If you are horribly offended, don't read said blog. Lord knows there are dozens of blogs from which I have stepped away.

I find it ironic that those women talked about misogyny and anti-feminism, yet here they were attacking a fellow IFer for her own choices. Unbelievable.

stillhopeful said...

You handled that in a very classy way, yet another reason why people enjoy your blog so much.

And I hope your case does settle so you'll get to spend some quality time on the birthing classes, daycare issues, baby preparation, etc. That really is the fun part!!