Even before I went to bed last night I was feeling guilty about my last post.
The whining. The crabbing. The complaining about my DH.
I got up at 7 a.m. this morning to quickly take it down before anyone saw it. But wait - there were comments already. Supportive, understanding, validating comments! I should have known that you guys would take my big waaah-fest with a grain of salt and back me up.
I still feel badly though. The male co-worker of mine of whose wife gave me a gift bag full of baby goodies? He and I chatted last week about work strategy - before digressing onto the topic of babies.
He told me how, when his wife was pregnant with their first child, he was happy and excited and all, but he didn't really get it until the moment the baby was born and he heard his son's first cries.
He said that for women, we begin to change our feelings, our mindset, our priorities and everything else during the pregnancy. After all, we are the ones who carry the baby, who feel the baby move, who realize with every cell of our being that we are no longer alone. And I think for IF'ers, our feelings about having a child kicked in long ago.
But, he said, it was different for him, and for most men, he suspects. Except for the fact that they see their wives' bellies growing and intellectually know there is a baby, they just are not as affected as we are. But then, he said, at the moment he heard the cry, it all changed (no, he was not over the doctor's shoulder, witnessing the baby crown. I guess he couldn't handle that. When I first witnessed a crowning, I found that experience alone to be miraculous).
Upon hearing his newborn son's first cry, he said it was like a tiny, dormant seed in the back of his brain was suddenly triggered, releasing a chemical throughout his body that changed him. Changed how he thought and how he felt and what he realized. He cried. He cried! He is not an emotional guy. He said the moment was life changing for him.
Well, this gives me, and hopefully others, some hope that when the time comes, our DHs too will experience a similar change. I have to realize that my need to control everything about this pregnancy - including the way my DH feels and acts - is unnecessary. I need to stop complaining and just come to grips with the fact that until the baby is born, my DH is not in the same place as me. And I need to be okay with that.
I do, however, appreciate the supportive comments, and even getting a chuckle out of some of the suggestions, like swiping the gift card and enjoying a spa day for myself! As usual, you guys have once again come through for me.
3 months ago