I have this memory of my Dad taking my two sisters and I to a toy store once. I would guess that I was between 8 and 10 years old. He surprised us by turning into the toy store parking lot, and said each of us could choose a toy (I'm sure he imposed a dollar limit, but I recall it being fairly generous).
My sister M went and found the doll she wanted in no time. Holding the box in her hands she peered at the doll's smiling face through the clear cellophane. My younger sister, T, chose one of those toy sets that included plastic high heels, a bracelet, a necklace and maybe even a ring.
Me? I wandered from aisle to aisle, shelf to shelf. Maybe this? Maybe that? Maybe a game? Maybe a doll? Maybe a stuffed animal? Maybe a card game? I couldn't decide!
There were a thousand choices, and I realized that once I committed to one of them, the remaining options would no longer be available to me. How could I give up on all those possibilities?
So, as long as I did not choose, I could have anything. But once I made a selection, that would be it.
I was stuck in this crazy dilemma. I mean, I was a kid being offered the chance to choose a toy! C'mon! This is what childhood dreams are made of. And yet, as I looked at and considered item after item, possibility after possibility, I began to loathe the idea of sacrificing everything else by choosing one.
My sisters were becoming impatient.
"C'mon BWUB, just pick something!" M whined.
"How about this nice stuffed doggie?" little T suggested, pointing to a very cute stuffed animal.
My eyes grew wider. I was being pressured to choose. They urged me more and more (although my sweet Dad, the most patient man on earth, just waited, following me from aisle to aisle as I tried to decide).
Ultimately, I made the only decision I could.
I turned to my Dad and said quietly, "I don't think I want to choose anything."
"Nothing?" he asked, a bit incredulous.
"No. I don't see anything I want." I replied. Now that wasn't entirely true. I did see things I wanted, I just couldn't bring myself to choose one above the others.
He paid for my sisters' items and we left the store. I remember thinking about it all the way home - the fact that I couldn't bring myself to decide. I swear this is a true story, and I was honestly relieved that I didn't have to choose.
// And so......... //
I'm not sure I like the colors I painted the baby's room. Blue and yellow. I'm not sure they are the colors I want to choose. I'm having a hard time deciding.
Yes, even after I taped and painted.
Today I was googling nursery murals, and now I'm thinking, hm, a mural might be kind of cool. I mean, check these out:
Okay, I can't do anything too fancy or intricate, but even if I did something a little simpler, most of them have backgrounds that are pale - like oatmeal color. Which means I'd have to re-paint, or find some way to incorporate a one-wall mural into the colors I have.
Or maybe I should just finish what I have, put things on the walls, get the furniture into place and say "What a nice room I made."
Oh, choices, choices. How to decide?
3 months ago