Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Crossing Bridges

So now my husband is really making an effort to do what he thinks I want. It's actually kind of cute. He'll be going about his business and then all of a sudden it's as though I can see the light bulb go on...oh!...he realizes...and comes over to me, eyes all bright and shiny, using a voice other than his usual voice (now speaking more softly and sing-songy) and he'll say, "Hi Sweetie. How are you doing today? How's the baby? Are you feeling all right? Later I'll give you a nice foot rub." And then he'll hug me and kiss me.

So, he really did take the conversation to heart.

It's not exactly that I wanted to be crooned over, but it's a start and it's an "A" for effort.

Otherwise, I'm just trying to get to Friday so I can have my U/S. Make sure things are okay.

My Mom is coming to visit in the middle of October for 4 days. She currently lives in Arizona and is planning to retire soon. Once she retires, she wants to start thinking about selling her house and moving here. So the reason for her trip is to look at houses/condos where she might possibly live. She doesn't know yet about the pregnancy, but she will before she gets here. I thought she'd really appreciate going with me to an U/S appointment, so I'm going to schedule one for that time. I also thought we could do a little maternity clothes shopping together. I think she'll be overjoyed to get to share in these experiences.

I'm actually looking forward to getting the phone calls from my family after I send out the comic book. They're going to be so surprised! I Mom, my Dad and my sisters will be really excited for us.

My DH's family on the other hand....I'm dreading having to deal with them.

You know my DH's mom is the Great Inquisitor. She asks a million and one questions every time we visit. So I said to my DH the other day (after his mother called and asked him a million questions in an hour), "You know, the whole point of this comic book is to answer all the questions. Your mother better not ask me a million questions about it. Everything I want people to know is in the book."

I waited and looked at him.

He just said, "It's going to open a can of worms with her."

Translation: Of course she's going to ask a million questions.

He asked, "Won't your family ask questions?" Well the truth is of course they will ask a few questions, but I really think that mostly they will just exclaim their joy. They're just not the kind of people to ask lots of personal questions or need to know every detail.

Argh. Would it be rude to tell my husband I've decided not to send the book to any of his family? Yeah, probably. I guess I'll just tell him to refer all questions to me and then I'll have a standardized answer something like, "I'm really not comfortable discussing that." I just don't feel the need to get really personal with her. We're not cozy, loving, intimate family and I just don't feel like sharing every detail.

That bridge isn't here yet, but I can see it on the horizon. First, though, I need to cross Friday's bridge and hope for a good U/S.


Mad Hatter said...

Your pending visit with your mom sounds GREAT! And such good timing that she'll be moving closer! As for your idea occured to me - what about adding a page in your comic book about questions...maybe a picture of you and DH surrounded and being swarmed by all these bubbles of questions. You guys can be holding up your hands saying "No comment! No comment!" And the caption can read something like: "We designed this book to share our wonderful news with you. We hope that you will be content to know how this beautiful baby came to be, and we ask that you please respect that there are parts of our journey that are too personal to share."
Or something like that. Do you think that might head off the Great Inquisitor?

tireegal68 said...

I love Mad Hatter's suggestion! I think that's the way to go. If the MIL asks more questions, you can say, oh I think you'll find the answer to that on page 15 ( the page with the no comment on it!)
That is so cool about your mom coming and being able to share in all the shopping and ultrasounding and excitement and that she is going to be moving nearby too. My second favorite thing to do in the world ( apart from getting pregnant) is to shop for houses / condos and dream about them! Sounds like you will have fun - if you can get all this done and work a full time job!
Good luck on those bridges:)

Alex P said...

Ok. So. I'm taking a communication class, and Im also trying to understand other people better... as such, I put myself in your shoes, and your mom-in laws shoes. Its hard after all you've been through, and you are definitely a grown up capable of pursuing these paths with your hubby without everyone peeking into your yard and commenting on your garden... So until your roses are ready, youre not planning on showing them to anyone. Makes perfect sense.... when I tried to think of why your MIL may be a nosy ninny I thought she sounded a lot like my mom, who I dont get a chance to see a lot... Sure, maybe she just is super nosy. or maybe her mom never asked anything, and she felt like her mom didnt care... Or she feels like she is second fiddle to your mom, or that she doesnt give you the same attention as your SIL and so wants to correct and overcompensates... It may be annoying, but is it intentional? is this her way of trying to find closeness? Relationships are always weird... and I overanalyze and think on peoples motivation all the time.. long story short, I am just hoping it all goes super, and she is fairly placated with your comic, and you are comfortable with the overload of questions she will ask. Good luck. And cheers on your moms baby visit! Sounds awesome, and also like you need some mom love!

Anonymous said...

ah mother in laws. *sigh*

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your sweet comment on my post always know just the right thing to say!

I'm so glad to hear that your husband is taking your discussion to heart and really trying, that is great news. Even if it's not exactly what you meant/wanted, it's a step in the right direction and must feel good to know that he cares enough to make the change.

Sounds like a great time planned with your mom in October! I'm sure she will love to go to the u/s and shopping with you and how fantastic that she will be closer to you once the baby arrives!

As for the MIL...I think the standard answer approach sounds like a good one. Just because you are divulging more details than most do about how their pregnancy was achieved doesn't mean that she has the right to full disclosure. Hopefully you can get your husband on board with that and the two of you together can put up a strong front.

Thinking positiive thoughts for you at your u/s on Friday and I can't wait to see the comic book!

IVF 40+ said...

tell them you are a scientologist so aliens did it. Not only will it stem the questions you get to act all strange and blame it on aliens.

One more sleep till Friday!! POst as soon as you can!

NoodleGirl said...

Oy, it would drive me nuts if my MIL grilled me when I made it clear I did not want to discuss further. Luckily mine speaks in a frustrating whisper-mumble usually so when she tries to nag, I pretend I don't hear her ;).

Wishing you the very best of luck at tomorrow's u/s. TGIF great u/s vibes!!

anofferingoflove said...

sounds like a wonderful visit you have planned with your ma in october. im sure she will LOVE being included in the u/s and maternity shopping!

i was really worried my partner's family would ask a million questions too. before we shared the news, we had several discussions about what was off-limits and what wasn't. people are nosy/curious/whatever, but its YOUR personal business and your decision - just have a game plan going in!

glad to hear your hubby is being more considerate :)

embieadoptmom said...

Your mom is going to be SO EXCITED! I want to know all the personal details-HA!! I won't say I'm exactly like your MIL but I love to know exactly when, where, what & how things happen! Hugs to you as you go to your ultrasound!

Susan said...

Sending positive energy your way!
Please post and let us know how tomorrow goes :)

Anonymous said...

Hooray for your mom coming!! I'm so excited for you and her. Good for your DH making an effort. At least he is LISTENING!

Good luck with your in-law situation. Only thought I have is possibly sending them a separate, different announcement (with bare facts). But this could be hard for your DH, so I don't know what you should do. Thinking of you!

looking4#3 said...

I know Friday's visit is going to be amazing!! So excited for your Mom's visit. Bringing her to the U/S and maternity shopping is going to be a fantastic experience. I am sure your whole family is going to be over the moon for you.
Hubby family on the other hand, it seems is just like my husband's. Monster-in-laws and major PITAs. Don't let their comments, questions or remarks rain on your parade. They are how they are and it has nothing to do with you. They will be that way regardless!!! This is your it up and enjoy it.
So glad your husband is showing improvement. Wait til the LO gets here.....HUGE changes for the better!!!

Lorraine said...

Sounds like you have a great relationship with your mom! I'm jealous - wish I had that, would even take the annoying MIL as part of the package...

As for the questions, I think you should just come up with a nice response to deflect the questions onto her- "We just think you'll be such a great grandma! What is your favorite thing about grandchildren? What was your grandma like? Was she strict?" etc., etc - if she can dish it out, she should be able to take it!

Riley said...

I'm so glad to hear that your hubby is making an effort - sometimes they have no clue what we need from them (even though it should be obvious!) until we spell it out for them. Sounds like you and your mom should have a great time during her visit. Sorry things aren't as great with the in-laws. Good luck with dealing with the million questions. I think your standardized answer is perfect for your MIL when she starts getting too nosey.