Monday, September 28, 2009

...And the Next to Know

Thank you all for your support, encouragement and comfort. It means so much to me. Being on the phone with my mom the other day was like one long, slow deflation. I just kept sinking until I wanted nothing more than to finish the conversation and get off the phone.

Oh, I think that with time she'll come around some. But of course I know how my mom is. How she's always been. How everything is about her. The world is out to make her life miserable, by the way. It's a conspiracy (as though no one else has day-to-day issues to deal with). But still....I had hoped that this time would somehow be a little different.

My dad called Sunday morning. He was quiet at first and then said, "C [his wife] says 'congratulations.'" I asked, "Do you say congratulations too?" He laughed his gentle, sweet, loving laugh and said, "Yes, of course, congratulations, honey."

He too said it was quite a surprise and then asked how I was feeling, if I'd had much morning sickness, and if we were busily getting a nursery ready. He was kind and sweet and accepting. When I said that I hadn't felt comfortable saying anything prior to this (because of the miscarriages) he quickly said, "No, of course, I understand."

And that's my dad. Kind and gentle and understanding.

My older sister (the one with the 21 year old son) called today, so I took the opportunity to tell her the news by phone.

I said, "Oh, you know St. Patrick's Day is next March I think. Guess what's going to happen right around that time?"

She asked casually, "What?"

I said, "I'm going to have a baby."

Well, she was delighted and tickled. At least she was delighted and tickled after she asked me two or three times if I was serious and for real???? She asked me how I felt and she was excited and giggled when I told her about my various u/s's and how one looked like a rectangle (the first one) and one looked like a chicken drumstick.

We talked about our mom and how she gave my sister grief 21 years ago, too. My sister was 22 or so at the time, not married (living with the father) and when mom first learned of my sister's pregnancy, she said to my sister, "Well.....take care of it." Meaning: go get an abortion. Wisely my sister waited long enough before telling our mom, so my sister replied, "It's too late for that." My mother said, "You can't even take care of yourself. How are you going to take care of a baby?"

Well, the truth is that my nephew is a pretty messed up kid for a lot of reasons, many of which have to do with my sister. But no one could have known the future back then and what my mom said to her was hurtful. So my sister was very supportive of me and insisted I not let our mom hurt my feelings or get to me.

As we were about to get off the phone my sister said, "Heeeeyyyy, I just realized. I'm going to be an auntie!" She really is happy for me. Which I appreciate. ministerial act: I changed my blog template to accommodate the ticker I put up. But I'm not too fond of the new format, so I'm switching back. I'll just have to go find a different ticker that fits in the space.

Love to you all.


Fran said...

Hello my sweet friend, i am so sorry I wasn't here for you after your phonecall to your mum. Honestly...I would have lost it. I am not sure how you tolerate such a behaviour, but I suppose you know her and you came to term with it long time ago. Initially, I thought she was just upset as she felt excluded, but now I actually believe she didn't deserve to have a daughter like you and certainly doesn't appreciate you enough. Do you really want her around when the baby will be born? I have the feeling she'll be critical no end.
I'm delighted your dad was much better, and your sis too! your Dh is absolutely right though, it's your joy and happiness that matter most! Much much love, Fran

IVF 40+ said...

that's more like it!

Dad 1. Mum 0.

Your ma is quite the broad as you americans say. With my SIL, crazy selfish byatch that she is, I just think to myself "poor dear, she has autism, can't help it"
make her more tolerable.

cindyhoo2 said...

I am so glad that your father and sister reacted better than your mom. Really how could they not be joyful.... You're bringing a new, precious person into the family! Take love and support where they are offered openly and try not to let your mom steal your joy.

embieadoptmom said...

Hugs and love to you! So glad you have some more support from your dad and sister! EVERY CHILD is a GIFT from God! He loves you and trusts you enough to give you that gift-HOW AWESOME! HUGS!

NoodleGirl said...

I just caught up on your mom and dad's reactions, and talk about night and day. You're a better woman than I am for even bothering to try to include your mom, since it doesn't sound like this is the first time she's behaved like this. I'm so happy your dad was cool about it, though! Yay for daddies! And sisters are the best, especially as someone to which you can complain about parents.

Anonymous said...

well, hooray for your father and sister!! :) glad the positive responses outnumber the lukewarm one!

K said...

Well that sounds much better. Yay for dad and sister. And just YAY for you!!! You're having a baby!

Michele said...

Just found your blog the other day... what a journey you've been on. We too will be transferring donated embryos the first week in November. It brought tears to my eyes to read the reaction you got from your mom... focus on that wonderful husband, father and sister and keep that hopeful spirit of yours alive. That baby is going to be one lucky child to be in a loving environment with parents who have waited a long time for him/her.

just me, dawn said...

your mom and mine should get together....and talk about themselves and how much trouble their daughters have caused. No worries though, we will be better moms for it!

Mad Hatter said...

Soooooooo glad to hear you had a good chat with your dad and sis! The glass is much more than half-full, my dear! Your cup runneth over with baby!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad your dad and sis were so much more supportive of you. It's your mums loss to not fully embrace the miracle you are awaiting.

stillhopeful said...

I'm so glad to hear you had good reactions from dad and sis. That part of the fun of this journey that's not all that fun... getting to share your joy with others and hearing their enthusiasm and support. So I'm glad you have that even if it's not with your mom, unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

Soooo encouraging that the rest of your family reacted positively!! And really nice that your sister and you got to talk about your mom together as it will just help reinforce the fact that your mom reacted the way she did becuase thats just who she is. We just can't change some people, all we can do is not let thier negativity affect us. This is a time for celebration, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!!
PS, thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog :)