Thank you all for your support, encouragement and comfort. It means so much to me. Being on the phone with my mom the other day was like one long, slow deflation. I just kept sinking until I wanted nothing more than to finish the conversation and get off the phone.
Oh, I think that with time she'll come around some. But of course I know how my mom is. How she's always been. How everything is about her. The world is out to make her life miserable, by the way. It's a conspiracy (as though no one else has day-to-day issues to deal with). But still....I had hoped that this time would somehow be a little different.
My dad called Sunday morning. He was quiet at first and then said, "C [his wife] says 'congratulations.'" I asked, "Do you say congratulations too?" He laughed his gentle, sweet, loving laugh and said, "Yes, of course, congratulations, honey."
He too said it was quite a surprise and then asked how I was feeling, if I'd had much morning sickness, and if we were busily getting a nursery ready. He was kind and sweet and accepting. When I said that I hadn't felt comfortable saying anything prior to this (because of the miscarriages) he quickly said, "No, of course, I understand."
And that's my dad. Kind and gentle and understanding.
My older sister (the one with the 21 year old son) called today, so I took the opportunity to tell her the news by phone.
I said, "Oh, you know St. Patrick's Day is next March I think. Guess what's going to happen right around that time?"
She asked casually, "What?"
I said, "I'm going to have a baby."
Well, she was delighted and tickled. At least she was delighted and tickled after she asked me two or three times if I was serious and for real???? She asked me how I felt and she was excited and giggled when I told her about my various u/s's and how one looked like a rectangle (the first one) and one looked like a chicken drumstick.
We talked about our mom and how she gave my sister grief 21 years ago, too. My sister was 22 or so at the time, not married (living with the father) and when mom first learned of my sister's pregnancy, she said to my sister, "Well.....take care of it." Meaning: go get an abortion. Wisely my sister waited long enough before telling our mom, so my sister replied, "It's too late for that." My mother said, "You can't even take care of yourself. How are you going to take care of a baby?"
Well, the truth is that my nephew is a pretty messed up kid for a lot of reasons, many of which have to do with my sister. But no one could have known the future back then and what my mom said to her was hurtful. So my sister was very supportive of me and insisted I not let our mom hurt my feelings or get to me.
As we were about to get off the phone my sister said, "Heeeeyyyy, I just realized. I'm going to be an auntie!" She really is happy for me. Which I appreciate.
Now...one ministerial act: I changed my blog template to accommodate the ticker I put up. But I'm not too fond of the new format, so I'm switching back. I'll just have to go find a different ticker that fits in the space.
Love to you all.
4 weeks ago