Friday, April 24, 2009

Compulsive Shopping

I wrote a rather long post today about Embryo Donation. If you are interested, please see below for that post.

For those looking for something a little less informational, I thought I'd talk about something we've all done.

Buying pregnancy tests.




I think the first one I ever bought cost about $12. I thought, wow, that's pricey! And they seemed to go quickly, didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, and got dropped in the trash.

I found some store brand ones at Wal Mart for about $3 plus change. I put 2 of them in my basket, face down, and hidden behind kleenex and toilet paper. I was sort of embarrassed to be buying them. I don't know why. Maybe I expected someone to look at them, smile, look up at me and give me some weird look.

Those, too, ended up in the trash. Twice, though, those little sticks told me something positive - all pun intended. I took photos of the sticks with my two pink lines. My husband and I hugged and the stick sat on the bathroom counter for days (I couldn't throw it away).

Both positives resulted in miscarriages.

Then I started an obsessive habit of POAS. I eventually started buying them at the nearest dollar store. I'd buy 4 or 5 of them. Forget about embarrassment. Now the look on my face said, "What about it??" About 7 days into a 2ww, I'd POAS. Then I'd do it again and again each day...you know....just to be sure it was truly negative.

Like the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross stages of grief, I eventually came to accept that POAS led only to negative results and full trash cans. Cold turkey, I stopped buying pregnancy tests. I figured that if AF were ever late, I could drive to the store and buy one test.

Hasn't happened yet. But the store is close by...just in case.

7 comments:

Deathstar said...

I bought a whole schwack online, but eventually gave them to be friend. Strange, I still have the urge to POAS.

just me said...

it's a racket....i think the best investment is stock in FRER....they will never go out of business. I am with you on waiting, i don't want to hold a stick up to the light any more....I want a dark line the first time, no ??s

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Some may say "obsessive," but I'd rather be obsessive than feel no hope whatsoever. So to me, your obsessive = optimistic.

LOVE your blog header---neat photo and creative idea.

*ICLW*

Mama Bear said...

oh I had major issues with this! it was my secret obsession _ I would hide them - I ended up buying in bulk on ebay - like hundreds at a time~ i can remember running out and waking up at like 4 in the morning to run to wal_mart because i was sure that the first morning urine would bring me that positve or standing on the toilet to get closer to the light to try to see that second line- oh memories!

cindyhoo2 said...

Hi, I just found your blog through happy-go-lucky. I am also on waiting lists for donor embryos and donor eggs. AND I also cannot seem to stop buying hpts. I buy them from different stores in different areas around my city then I hide them under everything in my cart.... feels like buying illegal drugs. Sending you good luck and a hopeful BFP soon.

Alex P said...

I think the way you tell your story is so sweet and unassuming. I found your site because I was perusing for blogs to follow, and stumbled across your amazing picture. I am not in a similar situation (Im still not at the "ready for kids" point, so haven't found out if its possible...) I don't know half to acronyms you use, but your journey is still very interesting, and told so well, and you obviously have a lot of courage, so heres a thumbs up and a smile from someone who will continue to read your stuff, and is thinking all the good thoughts she can for you!

Lucky Jones said...

I always hated it when I bought then and a checker would comment on them... One said "I hope you pass your test!" I was like, "lady, you don't even know what I want the outcome to be"... well, I didn't say that I just kind of laughed and forked over the cash... GL on everything, I hope you do have to rush to the store soon :) ICLW