Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Why I Don't Tell


Almost no one knows that my husband and I have pursued infertility treatments.

That we decided to go with embryo donation/adoption.

That five darling embryos were donated to us.

That we are hoping to transfer at the end of May.

Only my husband and one close friend of mine. No family. No one else.


Unbelievable comments.

During a phone call with my mom yesterday, she said (confident I will be childless all my life), "Well, at least you'll never have to deal with a child growing up to be like that Cr; K; guy."


What a friend quickly said when a third person asked me whether I have any children: "No...she has doggies."


What my sister once said about me not being a mom, "Well, at least you don't have anyone to worry about."


The thought of telling them, explaining it all, defending our choices....ugh. The thought of being unsuccessful in all of this and then having to go back and explain our failure....and the crash of "All for the best" comments that would be made. Ugh.

But...ahem....if we are successful....they are all REALLY going to be caught off guard and feel a little betrayed, I think, about not knowing.

But that's the risk I've chosen to take.



jenn said...

I know what you mean by the awful comments. I get them all the time too. We told everyone about our IF and now in a little way I wish I could take it back... at least from some of them.

ICLW Blog #93

Gina said...

I know about those stupid comments...

We made the mistake of telling our friends and family and I get those stupid comments all the time.

Best of luck to you in your future journey, I look forward to hearing all about it.

P.S.- I am currently going for my R.N. after graduating with a B.A. in Psych. I know not the same as passing the bar (congrats btw), but something we have in common.


Amy said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog!

I feel fortunate (so far) to have a pretty supportive family. I do wonder how they would react to adoption. Also, we haven't told a soul in my husband's family - I'm thinking they would be full of unsupportive comments!

tireegal68 said...

Happy ICLW - I love your writing ( I read the last two posts you wrote) and what you say about not telling anyone and why and the whole us and them world of parents and not parents. It is so so true. I just wanted to let you know that I tried and I will be following you. I am also a bit older than most on these blogs - 41 and don't feel it at all.
I hate it when I tell people I have ovarian failure / poor reserve and they say but you're only 41 -lots of women have babies at your age! And then I have to explain the whole darned thing to them etc etc.
People can be so ignorant.
take care and I will keep following your journey.

We have Angel Wings said...

Awe yes, the idiotic comments. Don't cha just love em?

I think that it's very neat and a wonderful thing that you're doing embryo adoption. We looked into it, but my DH just wasn't on board.

We're 'hoping' to use Known Egg Donor and we're not telling anyone either. I have a genetic disorder that causes me to miscarry with my eggs - yet people tell me they'll carry a baby for us. Seriously? My ute isn't the issue people - it's the eggs! DUH!

Can't wait for you to tell us about the look on their faces when you're pregnant!!!!!!!!! Oh, GL! GL! GL!!!!