You've been there. I've been there.
Trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for the past 3 years, I've been in the position of having to hear others around me joyfully announce their pregnancies. Co-workers. Cousins. Friends. Friends of friends.
I know how those words feel like a punch in the stomach. I've read on blogs how such announcements have sometimes been made via email, as an "oh, by the way" comment. I remember my mother telling me last year when my cousin had given birth to her second child in April 2008. It was a girl, and my mother went on and on about how she did not like the name my cousin and her husband chose for the baby. On and on. Finally I just blurted out, "Who cares what the name is?! At least she has a baby!"
So now I'm 9 weeks. If everything continues to be okay, we'll probably start telling family and friends in the next 5 to 7 weeks. The question is, how best to tell someone who I know will be quietly crushed by the news?
I have a girlfriend whom I've known since we were 18. We went to college together. She lives on the east coast and I on the west. We've kept in touch by email and visits (although it's been several years since we've seen each other). Ever since college, she has longed to find her prince charming, get married and have a family. None of it has happened. I love her like a sister, but she has always had unrealistic expectations in her quest for a husband.
She literally wants a prince charming. Like in a mushy chick flick movie. A guy who is smart, handsome (very handsome), polite, doting, caring, adores her every move, is a great dresser, has a great career, likes her hobbies and who is simply nothing less than a perfect human being. Thus, she has never married (need I tell anyone out there that men are not story book perfect?...no, I didn't think so). It kills her that she's never been able to find Mr. Right and that as a result, she will likely never have a child (she's definitely a marriage before kids kind of gal).
How am I supposed to tell her I'm pregnant? I don't want to be insensitive. I don't want her to feel that punch in the stomach. Another person she knows, getting something she'll likely never have. I'll have to tell her in an email, but how best to go about it? I thought that maybe if I explain the difficulties we've had in getting here, she'll understand that it didn't just "happen" and that I have not had the perfect life where all good things seem to befall me. And even though I don't know when I might next see her, I don't want to not tell her because that would seem like I was intentionally keeping it from her and could potentially be more hurtful down the road.
I'd appreciate any suggesions you might have.
4 weeks ago