Monday, August 31, 2009

Gaffe?

Oh crap. I hope I didn't hurt any one's feelings or make you cringe with my last post. I swear that belly ain't baby. I wish it were. It's gas and bloat and cookies. I'm pooping less than my 10 pound dog these days. Serious.

I know it can be hard to see a baby belly when you're not yet pregnant. Every day I still say to my DH, "I hope the baby is still in there" and of course the unspoken word is alive. I adore you all and would never want to make you feel bad.

I was just thinking that this is how I live now. It's in my face. It's with me everywhere I go. Trying to find something to wear. Figuring out which clothes I can't fit into anymore. Trying to do my hair to best hide the squirrely grays. It's in the mirror, it's there when I look down, it's my day and night.

I took that photo on the weekend. I would never wear such clingy clothes out of the house. During the week I wear baggy pants, baggy, untucked shirts and I bring a blazer or sweater to work (cold office). I generally look like a saggy baggy lady. Not fashionable at all. Rather frumpy, in fact.

Certainly none of this is horrible. I don't mean to sound like a whiner. I could be vomiting my face in a toilet half the day. And I'm not. Of course the changes I am experiencing are expected and part of the daily progress. But I notice them as a change in the way I see my evolving self. As I depart from being the person I was to becoming the person I will be during the next several months. Exciting. Scary. New. Someone I am not familiar with.

And for those of you just starting your cycle or planning to start it soon or in the future, I promise to be patient and kind to you when you are pregnant and you start complaining about your pants feeling tight.

Love you all.

12 comments:

Fran said...

Oh dear..what happened? How coudl you possibly offend someone in your blog? I mean, you are pregnant which is fantastic and it's not like you had it easy, is it?? So my heart filled up with joy at the sight of the pictures, even if is not a baby-belly but a gas one! It will be a baby belly very soon and you MUST feel free to post your pics. Big hugs and much love, Fran

Lorraine said...

Your gassy/baby belly is cute as all get-out. And quite petite enough to be smuggled to work under a baggy outfit.

I know it can feel awkward to post about pregnancy, and some people may not want to read about that phase - I have myself simply stopped reading blogs if I feel I can't relate to them any more. Which is fine, I think. We support each other where we can, not taking offense if someone isn't able to keep reading, encouraging anyone who is still finding their way to a solution as well as supporting the pregnancies of those who are hoping to make it all the way through.

You write honestly and sensitively, and I can't imagine much of a gaffe here. Plus, I only had to laugh at your photos of "gray hair". MAYBE there are a few silver strands in your beautiful copper head...

Mad Hatter said...

Aw, you're so sweet to be concerned - did you think you offended people because you didn't get as many comments as usual? I find that there are fewer commenters on the weekends overall...I guess people are busy and away from their computers. I know I personally have been preoccupied with my own vagina-gazing and haven't been keeping up as I normally would! I have to say I loved your last post - you have gorgeous hair (greys and all!) and an absolutely adorable baby belly. I totally enjoy reading about your journey and am thrilled for you. Thank you for being such a great blog friend - I am very glad to know you.

cindyhoo2 said...

Oh sweetie,

You are being so thoughtful to everyone but honestly this is your blog. You must write about your own life and your own thoughts and feelings, which are quite wrapped up in being newly pregnant. Don't worry, just keep telling your truth. When hearing all the pregnancy-related stuff gets to be too much, we community members will just flitter away and come back when we are feeling ready. For me, hearing about your pregnancy gives me a warm hopeful feeling....like having a virtual cup of tea with a close friend.

BTW: that belly still looks baby and not cookie! ;)

IVF 40+ said...

you are so lovely! and we are lucky to have ya! i still think your bloatybaby is cute. Did someone take offense? If they did, send 'em my way. I'll give 'em some NY lovin

oh yeah

embieadoptmom said...

You look good girl! GO WIT IT!

just me, dawn said...

I think every one who reads you is just sohappy that you are pg, that you could not offend them with a little photo :) what I find amazing is that one day my belly looks huge (like yesterday) but it is all gas and the sort ;) and then today, back down and looking normal (well a slightly lumpy normal) the digestive tract is certainly crazy when pg.

Alex P said...

I think cookies and gas are part of every baby belly.... So go with it! and just think how awesome your transition will be for your co workers when you have to stop wearing your frumpy pants for some seasonal trendy maternity clothes? (Because hey, as if it wasnt awesome enough that you're doing the baby thing, you ALSO get to shop!) But as always, I encourage you to go the consignment route when the time comes because it will be cheaper, still timely, and the sales people are usually better! (not that that has anything to do with this silly apologetic post.) I think your pictures are darling. Worry not little baby momma!

looking4#3 said...

I can't imagine you offending anyone. Watching a fellow IFer achieve a pregnancy and all of the joys that go along with it--it so inspiring for me. YOU are the hope I need to hold onto for now. YOU help me realize that there can be success after IF and loss!

As for the pooping, here's the best advice I can give you....also passed to other pregnant friends too. Ask your doctor about a pre-natal vitamin called Pre-Nate Elite DHA. It has a stool softner in it. I complained to my doc about the effects of the vitamins and have been on that ever since!! It works wonders and keep the "plumbing" moving right along. Good Luck!!!!

K said...

I'm in agreement that no one could have possibly taken offense. Although, we might all give you a bad time every now and then. :)

tireegal68 said...

I can't believe I am late to the belly shot party! Everyone said it so well already! We love you; we love your baby; we love your pooch pouch! Keep telling your story cos we are all glued to it! Hugs!

BB said...

I'm a little late posting so I will try and summarize my thoughts after reading your posts about the picture and the aftermath.

First off, I love your picture. Second, its your blog and you can post if you want to. Get my drift :) I think anyone that has followed/read your story could only be happy to see you and your baby belly. You are a success story. I remember when I was going through all my cycles and reading all kinds of blogs, I LOVED reading about the happy stories. It gave me hope. There will always be people out there that are jealous and could be hurt but my thoughts are they should just x out of the page and stop reading. If I don't like what is on the news, I shut it off. I'm getting carried away. My final thought is that you should be proud of your bump, gassy or not. You are finally pregnant, it is your time. Show off my friend!