Monday, August 24, 2009


We still haven't told a soul (except one IRL friend of mine and all of you) about the pregnancy.

I am feeling more confident about its viability. The baby seems to be in there, growing and heart beating each time we look. To my knowledge I don't have any "carrying" problems, it was just a question of egg quality. My egg donor was a fabulous, youthful 21 at the time of retrieval. So pending disaster or something unexpected (which I know can still happen), everything should be okay.

And yet I have no urge to tell. Zero.

I feel like this is my and my DH's little secret. For now, we get to talk about it alone, think about it, make decisions, discuss plans, look at U/S images....without anyone knowing about it, bugging us about it or asking questions. Or glancing downward at my belly, checking to see if I have a bump yet. Ugh.

Once we tell, the flood - the tsunami - of unsolicited questions and suggestions will ensue. Of course none of this applies to you guys, with whom I am happy to share every detail and listen to your every bit of advice. I'm talking about people with whom I wouldn't care to share so much as an elevator ride. Nosy friends. Mere acquaintances. Bossy sister-in-laws.

I am not looking forward to it.

Do you get morning sickness?
I have a fabulous midwife I used whose number I'm happy to give you.
Will you breast feed? You should/shouldn't.
Are you terribly gassy?
Are you eating healthy? Tell me what you ate today.
How did you get pregnant?
You should look into home birthing.
Can I be there for the birth?
I want to be there for the birth.
How much weight have you gained so far?
Didn't you just start a new job? Do they know?
Does your doctor know how old you are?
I've heard cod liver oil helps with stretch marks.
Your boobs do look bigger, in fact.

Oh, brother. I am not terribly patient. I'm likely to attempt a smile, say "Excuse me" and walk away. For now though, I'm enjoying our last few weeks of secrecy. In a way, I'd love to not say anything to anyone until I show and they guess. That would be cruel to our family and friends, though, who I know will be genuinely happy for us.

Mean, selfish pregnant lady.


Fran said...

Oh my friend, first of all it's so nice to have a secret, something that only you and your husband share is just so precious! And I bet it feel safer too. Your very young healthy egg will do the trick, and I'm so confident you'll show us beatiful pics in the months to come. I too feel mch better today, I feel we have hope again and I couldn't wait for theat feeling to embrace me again. Much love, Fran

Anonymous said...

having that secret is so special - and something you never get back after you start telling. i think its perfectly understandable to want to hold on to this moment.

we told a few of our closest family early on, but i didnt tell co-workers or friends until i was 18 weeks. i just didnt want to share...

Riley said...

Enjoy your secret - glad we're privy to the details. Like I said before, right now, you are my source of hope. I love hearing about your good news.

IVF 40+ said...

yeah, enjoy the secret. Don't tell a soul till you're totally ready. Maybe after the birth! Or the kids 5th birthday.
I will be equally tight lipped I think, if I do get to be blessed.

Thank you for helping me by sharing your story and experiences.

embieadoptmom said...

I'm TOTALLY agreeing with you here! Hope I have the same notions to keep our secret for a LONG time :) Hugs to the mean pregnant lady LOL!

just me, dawn said...

I am with you.....unfortunately my DH couldn't wait until he could tell and I have to say it is sweet. I made him wait until 12w4d (our NT scan)....but i could have waited forever....i hate hate the stupid questions!! my MIL sees me on friday and then emails me on saturday to ask if I have a belly yet....why did i eat too much? :)
glad to be in on your secret!!

cindyhoo2 said...

I don't think you are being mean at all. If you are enjoying being 'secretly pregnant' I say relax and enjoy for as long as possible. You can even wait until week 13 before telling your close family and friends without hurting too many feelings:).

Ok, good inappropriate pregnency comment: the professor of one of my friends looked at her when she was about 5-6 months pg and exclaimed loudly," Oh, your breasts are so full!" My very private friend could have died on the spot.

Anonymous said...

Smart lady.

I didn't learn that lesson until #3. We didn't tell people .....well, at all. I figured "Well, eventually, they'll figure it out". It was pretty funny one day when a mom from my daughters class stopped by and hadn't seen me in months. I was about 6 or 7 months along when she came by and it was hysterical how she wouldn't actually say "omg you're pregnant" she just kept looking at my stomach and looking up and looking at my stomach and making weird comments. :P

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate to your feelings! In fact, we just recently started telling people other than our families. The thought of telling everyone absolutely held no appeal for me. I kept thinking that as time went on it would seem like a better idea, but it never really did and we finally just had to tell people. And you're right, the questions are endless...and so not anyone's business! I know people are just excited, but it just feels so personal, you know?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your little secret for as long as you decide to keep it!

Gwynn said...

Definitely keep it to yourself as long as you want. We told our parents at 11 weeks because of some weird CVS results (that ended up being ok) and then waited to tell everyone else until 20 weeks.

It really opens the floodgates and you can never close them again. (But, there are definitely perks to telling, like more sympathy if you're exhausted and of course all the good wishes.)

ErinJean said...

I love that you guys are enjoying your "secret" :) Enjoy this time!