Oh, Just a Little Ranting

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Today, I feel grumpy. Thus far I hadn't really noticed any side effects of the meds aside from some initial breast tenderness with the Lupron (or maybe it was the BCPs). I thought, cool, I've not suffered any of the miserable side effects I read about.

But this morning, I feel short tempered and grumpy. I've had 2 delestrogen injections. I thought maybe it could be the hormones. So I researched the side effects of delestrogen. Here's what I found:

Abnormal hair growth; breast tenderness; changes in sex drive; cramps; dizziness; flushing; hair loss; headache; lightheadedness; nausea; pain, swelling, or redness at the injection site; reduced tolerance to carbohydrates; stomach bloating and upset; swelling; vaginal infection; weight changes.

Hm, that all sounds awful. Well, as of now at least, I don't have any chin or chest hair, my sex drive has been askew for nearly 2 years anyway what with all the unromantic, timed sex (which is loads of fun on the days you're arguing with your spouse), no cramps, I still have a full head of hair (interesting that side effects include both hair growth and hair loss), maybe some stomach bloating but I had attributed that to last night's dinner, no vag infection and I refuse to get on a scale right now away. So....

It appears that my crankiness and short temper are all on me. Maybe it's because I semi-resent my DH's automatic assumption that I will simply take care of things that need to be done around here (after all, he works and I don't). I have become the home manager, taking care of every phone call, appointment, arrangement, chore and errand that needs to be done. I shop, I cook, I take care of the dogs, I handle the household paperwork, I make sure the bills get paid on time, I follow up on all the little problems that arise and of course, manage all the IF stuff. How did I ever used to have time to work? How will all these things get done when I do go back to work? And why is it so hard for him to say "thank you" once in a while or wash a freaking dish?

This morning I slightly bent the needle when I inserted it into the Lupron rubber stopper. Not much, you know, maybe just 15 degrees or so. But I only have enough needles left to get me through Sunday, which is just enough. I thought, screw it, what can it hurt? I gave myself the shot with the bent needle. I didn't want to have to call the Clinic to get a prescription for one stupid TB syringe.

Speaking of the Clinic, they called to obtain payment in full, which is required before they will do the FET. $6,000+ on my credit card today. My bank account is going to take a big hit when that bill comes in.

I guess I'm just feeling cranky and restless and anxious and I'm tired of meds and shots and I just want it to be next week already. So, in a nutshell, today I am a whiner.
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