Well, the in-law visits are over....at least for now. My FIL is another character all together (The Great Pontificator), but he also lives out of town, which is fortunate for me. My poor DH. These are his own family members and after spending about 2 hours with these people, he begins to look....constipated. Uncomfortable and ready to get the hell away from them. I can't imagine the questions and "you shoulds" that will come out of their mouths if I actually get pregnant and have a baby, but I think I will just develop an attitude of "sorry, that's personal and I'm not comfortable discussing that" or "We have our own ideas about that, which I'd prefer not to discuss." Survival. It's all about survival!
If all stays on track, then a week from tomorrow we will be piling into the car and heading to the city where our Clinic is. The following day will be our FET. The idea that we could actually get pregnant with a viable pregnancy inspired us to have a serious talk about being parents.
My DH and I talked about what kind of parents we would want to be. What we feel is important to being a good parent and what kind of experience we want the child to have. We talked about how we want our child(ren) to grow up and feel about themselves, and how to make that happen. To me, having fun and feeling joyful are integral to a happy childhood. To my DH, not feeling like a burden to your parents and feeling like your parents are happy to make time for you is integral.
Our attitudes about parenting are tied tightly to our own childhood experiences and the things our own parents did. Both good and bad. We remember the mistakes our parents made and avoiding those mistakes rank high on our own respective agendas. The good things they did, or some variation thereof, are things we want to be sure to include. We also talked about our respective weaknesses, and components of our personalities that we worry about.
It was really fun to have that conversation. I already knew in my heart that my DH will be a good Dad, but it was a good experience for us to delve a little more deeply into particular issues and feelings. Things like our own childhood traumas, the hopes we have for our children, and the dreams we have for our life as a family.
Even if I don't get pregnant, or if the pregnancy doesn't work out (I need to keep reminding myself of this to avoid being too crushed...you know?)...well, I'm still glad my DH and I had that conversation. If nothing else, it taught us a little more about each other and fostered some emotional growth between us. That's a good thing, no matter what.
4 months ago