Friday, July 3, 2009


I am up and around a bit. But I'm still very cautious. I know the embies can't really fall out, but you know, irrational thinking tends to take over in times like these.

Prior to the transfer I had all kinds of crazy thoughts. I imagined the doctor walking into the OR with the catheter loaded with my embies, and tripping over a shoelace, stumbling to the floor, embies flying out of her hand and crashing against a wall.

I wondered, hmmm, maybe there are no embies at all. Maybe they'll just carry in an empty catheter, and show me stock photos of human embryos. Maybe they'll go through the motions of a transfer, but not really transfer anything at all. Like a huge medical scam where they dupe dozens of couples into paying for the same batch of embryos.

Okay, I know, these are entirely unlikely scenarios. I mean, the Clinic has a good reputation and must report success rates to the CDC. Nobody is likely to trip. I'm sure there is no fraud. It's just....when you want something badly, and you've come close to getting it in the past, only to have the dream ripped from your hands and heart at the last moment, it seems you can't help but think about what could go wrong. A thousand mishaps waiting to happen.

Soon enough, I remind myself, soon enough we'll know.

In the meantime I have kept myself occupied with the T.wilight marathon on TV. I brought books to read, but my thoughts are too scattered to be able to focus on a book. TV, naps, food and the internet. Overall I feel pretty good. Belly fullness and twinges continue, but that could simply be progesterone at work. Who knows.

Tomorrow we head home. I can't wait to get there.

I can only mention these thoughts now that the transfer is complete. Not that I am entirely rational yet. I'm not.


stillhopeful said...

Rooting for you so much!! I'm so glad the transfer went well, and I hope the 2ww doesnt drive you crazy!!

IVF 40+ said...

if ever there is a time to let go of our attempts at rational thinking - post transfer would it! Hope you have a safe and uneventful trip home.

Anonymous said...

oh my god, those are exactly the kinds of things I would wonder (especially the medical scam one). I still wonder if blob is real of if they just use the same image for everyone, like stock video they play through the u/s telly.

Enjoy resting up, I'm keeping sending loads of positive thoughts.

Anonymous said...

so now are you in the official TWW?

Lorraine said... I'll have to worry about shoelaces tomorrow on top of everything else!

Just kidding. Take it easy and try to keep yourself busy until the 13th!

Lucky Jones said...

I know those irrational thoughts well... Here's to sticky embies and a BFP - you deserve it!!

K said...

Happy to read everything went well and that you will be home soon to rest. Wishing you lots of distractions during your 2ww. ;)

looking4#3 said...

Well, all I can say is, "Welcome to Motherhood"!!! All those irrational fears and crazy thoughts have already started!!
So excited for you. I hope the 2 WW FLIES!!

PS--Greeting from the shore.

tireegal68 said...

oooh!!! exciting! I hope you are feeling more lively soon and less full of worries - I am with you on those inventive thought marathons! I really hope you wake up in two weeks and are pregnant! When is the beta?
so many good vibes to you and the little ones! okay - I have been away - did I miss the post about how many you tranfered?

cindyhoo2 said...

Wow, those are worries I never even considered! Thanks for adding those to my list (LOL). I do like that you have made worrying a creative activity. Still keeping my fingers and toes crossed that your little ones stick.

Anonymous said...

At one of my friend's transfer they DROPPED the catheter!!!!!!!! She still got a BFP....

Im keeping track of your 2ww and holding fingers and toes for a +