If you asked my friends and the people who know me best, they'd tell you that I'm pretty grounded, level headed and not dramatic or overly emotional. But I have to say that all of your sweet comments to my previous post made me want to shout, "I love you all!" and cry. Thank you. Yesterday gave me quite a scare and it was distressing to sob so hard because the only times I ever sobbed that way was over pregnancy losses and when I had to put my 18 year old dog to sleep. That sort of "gut sobbing" takes the stuffing out of a person and I slept like a rock last night, which did me a lot of good.
And I don't blame you guys who jumped to the end of yesterday's post after reading the first paragraph or two. I know I can be....um....verbose. I just wanted to write it in a way that would allow you experience what I was feeling and thinking at each turn.
Today I am much better. Part of the reason I feel so good is because Cindyhoo, good friend that she is, offered to drink a few glasses of red wine on my behalf (thanks, Cindy, I needed them!) and because at this very moment another good friend, Fran, is on a boat, which has departed Ireland and is heading for California so that she might check on me. Although I am afraid she will have to sail around the southern tip of South America and it may take her quite some time to arrive.
See, even my sense of humor has returned.
Seriously, though, all day yesterday evening I was thinking about how the nurse practitioner guessed that I am carrying a boy, based only on folklore. You know what, I was so focused on just getting pregnant that the idea of "boy" or "girl" hadn't yet entered my mind. Oooohhhh yeaaaah. It will be a boy or a girl! Imagine that.
So, despite my usual tendency to keep walls in place around my hopes, I began to think about what it would be like to have a baby boy. To have a baby girl. As an infant, as a toddler, as a child, as a teenager (I was cringing a bit here) and as an adult. You know what? I can't decide which I prefer!
It was a lovely daydream.
4 months ago