Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Back on My Feet

If you asked my friends and the people who know me best, they'd tell you that I'm pretty grounded, level headed and not dramatic or overly emotional. But I have to say that all of your sweet comments to my previous post made me want to shout, "I love you all!" and cry. Thank you. Yesterday gave me quite a scare and it was distressing to sob so hard because the only times I ever sobbed that way was over pregnancy losses and when I had to put my 18 year old dog to sleep. That sort of "gut sobbing" takes the stuffing out of a person and I slept like a rock last night, which did me a lot of good.

And I don't blame you guys who jumped to the end of yesterday's post after reading the first paragraph or two. I know I can be....um....verbose. I just wanted to write it in a way that would allow you experience what I was feeling and thinking at each turn.

Today I am much better. Part of the reason I feel so good is because Cindyhoo, good friend that she is, offered to drink a few glasses of red wine on my behalf (thanks, Cindy, I needed them!) and because at this very moment another good friend, Fran, is on a boat, which has departed Ireland and is heading for California so that she might check on me. Although I am afraid she will have to sail around the southern tip of South America and it may take her quite some time to arrive.

See, even my sense of humor has returned.

Seriously, though, all day yesterday evening I was thinking about how the nurse practitioner guessed that I am carrying a boy, based only on folklore. You know what, I was so focused on just getting pregnant that the idea of "boy" or "girl" hadn't yet entered my mind. Oooohhhh yeaaaah. It will be a boy or a girl! Imagine that.

So, despite my usual tendency to keep walls in place around my hopes, I began to think about what it would be like to have a baby boy. To have a baby girl. As an infant, as a toddler, as a child, as a teenager (I was cringing a bit here) and as an adult. You know what? I can't decide which I prefer!

It was a lovely daydream.
...

13 comments:

stillhopeful said...

So glad you're doing better today - I was thinking about you. What a scare, I'm really glad things are looking up. Including your spirits!

And I feel exactly the same as you do about the boy/girl thing... I don't know what I'm hoping for. I know I will feel so happy whichever I have, and also a tiny bit disappointed that I didn't have the other!

K said...

Sorry I did not comment yesterday. I can't imagine the horror/panic turned relief/bliss kind of day you must have had. I'm so glad everything looks good for you. And that would be me on the table, crying away, I'm sure. Take care of yourself and way to score a weekly visit! ;)

just me, dawn said...

i was looking at my blog list and wondering how you were doing. So glad that you got some rest and are feeling better today. Isn't it crazy? you are having a boy or a girl :) and I can't decide either, I just want to bring them home ((hugs))

one smarmy mama said...

I hope I didn't offend you with my comment. Eep! I didn't mean you were too wordy, I meant I was too FREAKING OUT. But, once I got to "FLICKER" then I went back and read the whole thing properly. :)

And, I believe in that old wives tale. Hasn't failed me yet. :)

cindyhoo2 said...

So glad you are feeling better today. After your remarks, I read all of yesterdays comments and I teared up at the genuine care and kindness in all the posts. You have quite the cheering section here.

Isn't it odd... we all focus on getting pregnant and staying pregnant then one day it sinks in that a real baby will emerge from this process?! Just think, someday within the next year you will be rocking and cuddling your baby, singing soothing songs and not being able to imagine a time when s/he was not in your life. perfect.

embieadoptmom said...

I SO appreciate all the support you give me also! God puts all of us in each others lives for a reason! Whether bloggy or real life friends-He knows when we need support and what kind! Glad you found what you needed & you feel back to normal! HUGS!

tireegal68 said...

so glad you are feeling better today and feeling the love! It's interesting to ponder the idea of having a baby with a gender and a whole life ahead of her /him and not just a BFP or a BFN. I have always wanted a girl but after knowing my nephew I really will be fine with whatever we get. Someone asked me the other day what we are going to do about daycare and going back to work and I said - I have not got a clue - I have never even got that far in my thoughts except to know I want to stay home as long as we can afford it.

Mad Hatter said...

Very good to hear that you're back to yourself after your big ordeal yesterday!
You know, in addition to the sweet comments you generously post on my blog, I see all the kind and thoughtful comments you post on many MANY blogs, so I am not surprised to see all the well-deserved support you receive. Thank you for being such a lovely friend to all of us.
And keep daydreaming - it sounds like a wonderful pastime!!!

Alex P said...

Meh. I'll weigh in. Hope for girl. They may be CRAZY when they get to teens, but at least you know what theyre trying to get past you...and they are nicer to little siblings. Boys pee in your mouth when your changing them more often, and pick on little sisters. (not that IM the youngest or anything)

Fran said...

So so glad you feel better today! Sending you all my love (by cyberspace! much faster than the boat!) and I wanted to let you know that even if I'll be off the internet until monday I'll be thinking of you (and your baby boy or girl!). Fran

Monty said...

At 6w2d my babys heartrate was 120 - at 11w4d it was 165-170. The nurse guessed girl.
He is very much a little boy!
That does sound like a lovely day dream!

looking4#3 said...

Daydream away girlfriend!!!! Somehow I have this GREAT feeling that in 8 months--give or take, you are going to have your arms wrapped around that lovely little boy or girl!! Whether pink or blue---we welcome you--and can't wait!!!!

Riley said...

Glad today was a better day. A little boy - wouldn't that be nice. Or a little girl....isn't it nice to daydream and start planning!