This morning, bright and early, I POAS. The second line was not any darker than it was yesterday. Still faint. There, but faint. Shouldn't the line be getting darker each day?
I went back to bed and considered how I felt. I cupped each breast and assessed whether they were still as tender as yesterday.
No sensation at all coming from my belly.
I guess this is the downside to POAS. The constant self-analysis doesn't end, it just gives you one more piece of information (the faint line) to analyze.
Did I get pg and now the baby(ies) have stopped growing?
Can we really support a pregnancy artificially with shots of estrogen and capsules of progesterone? Is it enough estrogen? Did the progesterone capsule leak too much? Shouldn't I be having blood tests every day to be sure?! My baby is on life support. And I'm afraid I could inadvertently trip over the cord without knowing it and pull the plug.
And so, after feeling myself up and down, analyzing and worrying, I finally just got out of bed. Of course now I am obsessed and am waiting for the stores to open so that I can go buy more pee sticks -- the cheap kind -- to see if there is any difference.
This, folks, is called Self Induced Manic Lunacy. Welcome to the show.
Exhale. I am better. Thank you.
The other thing that was bothering me this morning was that about a half hour after my morning progesterone suppository, much of the "goo" had leaked out. My prog level was 20.1 and my Clinic said "Anything over 20 is just fine." Well, heck, I figured I've only got 0.1 room for error! So with half of it now soaked into a panty liner (sorry, TMI), was I now in progesterone deficit? So I put in another suppository. Then, when my DH finally got out of bed, he asked, "What's the risk of taking too much?" So you see, between the progesterone and the pee stick, I was a mess.
A call to the Clinic and I was reassured that taking an extra suppository was fine.
Some quick google research and I found out that it is not uncommon for the pee stick color density to remain light.
I am breathing now. But I am still going to buy more pee sticks! Once on the insanity roller coaster, it is hard to get off.
2 months ago