I hate when I do dumb things. I actually roll my eyes at myself.
Yesterday I went to the grocery store. I grabbed a cart and rolled through the aisles and ended up in produce. Stupid plastic produce bags. You know the thin plastic bags you pull from the roll to put your tomatoes, broccoli or apples in? Yeah, we'll I can never get them open. There is some electrostatic property about those bags that seems to cause the two sides of the bag to stick together. And for the life of me I can't separate them. This is a regular frustration for me. So there I am, standing in front of the hothouse tomatoes trying repeatedly to get the darn bag open. I try blowing on it. I rub the bag furiously between my palms. I try using a fingernail to pry the sides apart. I can't do it!! So, ultimately, I did the worst thing possible. I licked my thumb. Oh, it got the bag open in a jif, no doubt about that.
But then I stood there, realizing that I just licked a thumb that had been touching a grocery cart handle. I guess I might as well have licked the cart handle itself.
Now I'm not usually a panicky, freaked out germ-a-phobe. I typically abide by the 4-second rule (if you drop food on the floor at home and pick it up within 4 seconds, it's okay to eat) and I don't think ingesting a little dirt, dust or dog hair ever hurt anyone. If you've got a healthy immune system, you should be able to take most things in stride.
But things are different now. Now I am pg. And now the swine flu is on the rampage around the world. Have you ever seen those TV shows where they swab grocery cart handles....and demonstrate all the bugs and germs that live there? I wanted to spit, right there in front of the tomatoes. It bothered me all day that I did that (lick my thumb, that is - I didn't actually spit).
It quit bothering me so much when I did something klutzy AND stupid.
These are my progesterone capsules.
Last night I was preparing to take the final capsule of the day - right before bedtime. I was already sleepy and while shuffling about in the bathroom, I knocked the vial of capsules onto the floor.
The cap flew off and capsules scattered all over the floor. That vial was 2/3 full. I don't know if it was the 4-second rule that was running through my mind or just getting them off the floor, but I began quickly scooping them up and dropping them back into the vial. Aaarrgh!
I suddenly realized that by putting dropped capsules back into the vial I'd contaminated the entire vial. So I quit doing that and put the remaining capsules I picked up off the floor into a tissue. The ones that rolled under the cabinet and up against the wall went into the trash. I stood there not knowing what to do - still half asleep.
Then thinking about having contaminated the vial, I dumped out a bunch of capsules, trying to undo the contamination (yeah, right). When I finally prepared and inserted one, I thought, this is really freaking great. I just put what is probably a horribly contaminated capsule way up there in my cervix and those horrible floor germs are going to jump off the capsule and reach out to the baby, infect it, and now it will be born with some terrible defect. All because of my klutziness and stupidity.
When I came out of the bathroom and told my DH, he said, "It'll probably be all right. You can order more meds, right?" Yeah, of course I can get more meds, but that didn't relieve my anxiety any. I couldn't fall asleep for hours just thinking about it. I really hate when I do dumb things.
4 weeks ago