Monday, July 6, 2009

What Are You Waiting For?

One thing about cycling is that you just keep waiting for the next milestone. Starting Lupron. Starting estrogen. Stopping Lupron. Blood tests. Ultrasounds. I never did IVF with my own eggs or DE, but I know the list of milestones is even longer.

It's not that we are wishing our lives away. It's not that we can't enjoy moments that occur during our cycle. It's just that ever since we first began ttc, it seems that we do a lot of waiting. We have to wait for appointments. Some have to wait for their name to come up on a list. Some wait for donor matches. There is the well known 2ww that we've all suffered in some form or fashion. We wait for phone calls and test results. We wait in waiting rooms and we wait in exam rooms. If things didn't turn out as we hoped, we wait to figure out what to do next.

Now I have lists of things I am waiting for. Not actual, written lists. But I can reel off a number of things at any given time for which I am waiting.

I am waiting for my single tomato to turn red.

I am waiting for other tomatoes to appear (I actually look up the skirts of the flower petals hoping to glimpse newly emerging fruit).

I am waiting for my cantaloupe to do anything that looks remotely like bearing fruit.

I am waiting for my DH to come home from the gym.

I am waiting to get dinner started shortly.

And now...I am waiting and looking and checking for implantation bleeding. I am also waiting and debating when to pee on a stick. If I do it too early, of course it will be negative, but the BFN will cause stress anyway. So, I just keep thinking about it as the days tick by one by one. Waiting. Waiting.

In a way, this is a good wait. There is hope. There is anticipation. But as always, there is also the looming trepidation of potential failure.

Hope and Fear. Two sides of the same coin.

What is at the top of your waiting list?
...

11 comments:

blessedmomto7 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
embieadoptmom said...

Waiting to take my last BCP so I can GET MY PARTY STARTED! Hugs to you as you wait dear!

cindyhoo2 said...

I love this post. It is so true.

Currently, I am waiting for my next RE appt (on Wednesday) to find out if we really are 1st on the DE list.

I am also waiting to see you post a pic of your positive hpt... don't test before day 9 or 10 (in my humble opinion). :-)

tireegal68 said...

my thoughts are similar to yours - waiting and waiting for the next little step. Tonight I am waiting to go to bed ( read procrastinating) because something about getting up at 5.30am to get to an appt at 7am is making me stall. We have been waiting for the appointment with our third party coordinator for only about a week -that is the appt. we have tomorrow. Waiting for my doctor to email me back to say I can do another trial cycle and get ready for the real one.
I vote for waiting as long as possible before you pee on the stick. When is your beta scheduled?
lots of luck and hoping for wonderful numbers for you:)

C Lo said...

I'm waiting to "get over it".

And I'm waiting for your news.

And I too am waiting for my 1 tomato baby to turn red and hopefully show the way for many more tomatoes. We shall see.

stillhopeful said...

I just found out they are letting me have a quick ultrasound on Thursday to check that everything's OK, so I'm waiting for that!!

BB said...

I'm in my 2WW as well- you know that :) And I'm waiting for my first tomato to turn red too!!!

I agree- the wait at this time is good but the potential failure is a very scary thing for me.

I'm not peeing on a stick this time around. My blood test is July14th....
Gulp.

IVF 40+ said...

I'm waiting for the waiting to be over. One way or the other I am sick of my life being on hold till we have our family. I hope I am near the end of this waiting ...

Sounds like you are in a healthy place though. I hope to read about the implantation bleeding in your next post!

optimisticallyhopeful said...

How absolutely true is this post? It's ALWAYS waiting...for one thing or another. My clinic does their b/w the same way as the place you're going to and sends it off via courier to the big lab. I remember during my second IVF cycle I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for my draw when the courier came in. I was so ticked off because I knew that meant I wasn't going to get my results that day (even though I had been testing negative). With my second beta this time around the wait was absolutely torturous.

I hope that your beta is run in a timely manner and that they let your RE know ASAP so that you have some answers!

I am waiting for my Google reader to start working properly again so that I can actually see updated blogs without having to click "refresh all." That would help me to be able to read and comment in a timely manner, which would be much appreciated!

just me, dawn said...

i am waiting for my first OB appointment since my RE went and dumped me LOL. oh...it is july 16th.

looking4#3 said...

Waiting to get to get back to business and start TTC again.