I pamper my garden. Yesterday, I excitedly showed my DH the 4 peach-sized cantaloupe that are growing. As I watered the plants in the late afternoon (after having watered them in the morning), my DH shook his head and said, "You baby those plants so much....will you be able to bring yourself to eat the fruit once it ripens?"
Hey, first of all, it was 106 degrees yesterday. Potted plants dry out. Second of all, what else should I be doing with my time? It's a valid hobby, and yes, as a matter of fact, if anything ever actually ripes, I will eat it! He wasn't really picking on me, and in fact, I think he secretly likes watching me nurture the plants and our dogs. But there is a reason I spend so much time looking after those plants.
I have been out of work now for 8 months. It's a long time without a paycheck and unemployment benefits don't cover much. The FET, drugs, and monitoring clinic costs had to be paid in full. While I consider the time I have had at home to be wonderful - allowing me to plan our FET, to relax, to spend time with the dogs, etc- lack of funds severely limit the ways in which a person is able to spend that "free" time.
We won't be taking a vacation anytime soon. We won't have a romantic weekend getaway for our anniversary in September. We won't buy a new couch, replace a fence that is about to topple over or buy a new refrigerator to replace our current one that hums constantly, has warped seals and drains water in a way that sounds like it's peeing. The money for those things was spent on all things FET. I think it was a good way to spend that money and I'm not sorry about it.
But I still need to find things to do with my time. Theater, shopping, museums, household repair projects, salon appointments and even a Sunday drive cost money. There will be time in the future for all of these things, but for now I have to be content with being a homebody. I'm perfectly happy to poke about in the back yard, inspecting tomato leaves for bugs, peeking at growing fruit and tying up cantaloupe vines. Then I let the dogs splash in the pool, and if it's cool enough, I relax under the umbrella on the patio with a book. I watch the occasional butterfly flutter about and I am thankful for all that I have.
Life is a series of seasons. The seasons change, each bringing new adventures and challenges. I know the current season of my life won't last forever. In some ways I'm happy about that. But I also know I'll look back on this period in my life and remember it fondly.
I hope that whatever season your life is in currently, that you are able to find moments of joy and that you feel a sense of adventure. Although you may be constrained as to what you can do and what you can have, I hope that you are preserving fond memories that will bring you happiness in years to come. Even if those memories include something as simple as an unripe cantaloupe or time with someone you love.
3 months ago