Thursday, July 9, 2009

9dp3dt - So I Told My Husband

Well, men are men, aren't they?

I found the adorable onesie stashed away, folded it and put a note on it that said, "Think you can learn to work one of these things, Daddy?" I put it into a manila folder along with the PREGNANT pee stick. I taped the three open sides of the folder shut and slid the folder into a large envelope and wrote my DH's name on the outside.

After dinner and when we were a bit settled, I said, "Oh, something arrived for you today." I got the envelope and handed it to him. He pulled out the folder and tried peeking between the taped portions. "Just open it!" I said. He opened one side and slid out the onesie with the note. He read the note and unfolded the onesie, remarking that it was cute.

Then he set them down and looked at me. Blankly.

"There's something else in there," I said.

He reached his hand inside the onesie, feeling around for something. Did he think the baby was going to be inside there?

"No, not in the folder!" I said (while rolling my eyes).

He finally found the pee stick. He looked at it and asked, "Are you pregnant?"

Well, did he think I bought it that way? Honestly, sometimes men are so dense. So much for the BIG surprise. I had to spell it all out for him. Yes, honey, I am pregnant.

"Congratulations!" he said. Then he hugged me. I thought that telling your wife "congratulations" was an odd thing to say. I don't know. I guess my fantasy about his reaction was much grander than reality.

But, whatever. He spent the rest of the evening in his man-cave drinking beer, setting up a stereo and listening to music. He hardly came out until 9:30. So much for celebrating the news together. I felt like the kid who invited his whole class to his birthday party, set up the decorations and balloons and cake and games...and then no one shows up and the kid is sitting there by himself, wearing a pointy party hat.

But, whatever. Maybe he doesn't quite know what to say. Maybe he is worried. Maybe he comes from a dysfunctional family that never knew or learned how to show love and support to other family members (oh so true).

In any case, I am happy and the celebration lives inside me. And then I got back online and found the inundation of love, support, joy, happiness and well wishes from all of you. So thank you for coming to my party! It means the world to me. I also know that after time passes, and if we are lucky enough to reach the initial "safety zone" of completing the first trimester, the other people IRL will definitely be excited and happy too.

My only real concern now is that my progesterone level (drawn one week post transfer) was 20.1. It seems like other people have much higher levels. I checked in with the Clinic and they said 20.1 is a great level one week post transfer. Okay. I guess I'll go with that for now.

I POAS early this morning and was relieved to see a slightly darker second line. At least now it is somewhat visible.

Thank you all again for your kindness and outpouring of support. I know that for some, it is not entirely easy. Thank you.


cindyhoo2 said...

Oh no. Hubs got an "F" on enthusiasm and quick response. I think he only got a "D" in celebration as well-- responding with a "huh" would have earned the failing mark. I am betting that he will really begin to get excited when you see a healthy hb on the u/s.

But you are right, your internet posse is massively excited!!

stillhopeful said...

I can so identify with you!! I didn't go to nearly such lengths when I told DH, I just sat him down on the bed and showed him the pee stick. I was choked up and had tears in my eyes, and he looked at it and said "what does this mean?". As I started to explain, he said he know what it MEANT, but what are our next steps. So we talked rationally about it, and then I started tearing up again, but I think he was numb with shock, so I held back. Definitely not the overjoyed, hugging, crying lovefest celebration I had envisioned either!!

Oh well, we'll have the births for that! :)

embieadoptmom said...

I am SO CRACKING UP at your husbands reaction! I laughed out loud! Sounds so much like what mine would do minus the beer LOL! Remember how you talked about implantation bleeding? did that ever happen? I am so excited I will now get to POAS in FL. The week after I get back from my transfer we will be going on VACA! I will add pee sticks to my packing list!

embieadoptmom said...

PS-My husband is EXTREMELY AGITATED that I will be on bed rest and won't be able to take care of the other little ones we have. I told him it will all be FINE! MEN!

IVF 40+ said...

I have one of those! WTF! I think they freak a little. I mean, they are somewhat removed from the celebration at this point.
I am still so totally psyched for you!!!

Anonymous said...

Our boys just don't really get it, do they? I'm sure he is excited on some level, and perhaps 1/2way through the pregnancy he will get around to showing you! I think it kind of freaks guys out, "wow - I have to be responsible in a whole different way now..." Who knows.

My honey actually brought home flowers last night (I nearly dropped a plate I was so shocked), and he the proceeded to hole up in the basement checking emails and dinking around with his new bass trumpet. So much for our "talk about where to go from here". So. I'd rather be you right now (but I'm good too)!

Alex P said...

awww its one of those men are from mars moments- its like "shes just not that into you" the sequel. Im sure its a bit of nerves, not wanting to put all his hope in this transfer, wanting to be strong and reserved so that if something sad happens, he can be your big shoulder instead of you feeling like youve let him down... because women do tend to do that... So instead he retreats to have a beer, cross his toes, hope that youre ok, because youre still his partner in crime and therefore way more important than anything else, and maybe just allow a wee bit of hope...

Im so happy for you! Im certain DH didnt diss on purpose!

K said...

Belated congrats on the very exciting news. And ok, I'm suspicious you're cooking more than one in there! ;) I would bet your DH has to let it all digest, and perhaps do a bit of self-insulation from the possibility of disappointment. But yeah, this is exciting stuff so get out from under the beer and show the wife some enthusiasm!

BB said...

I agree, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. I'm sure that as you progress his reactions will be quite different. I'm looking forward to hearing a great beta on Monday. I'll be checking your blog every 20 min, I'm sure!

Riley said...

I'm sorry your husband wasn't more enthusiastic. I think the way you chose to tell him was very cute and clever. Too bad he didn't act more excited, but I remember the one and only time that I ever got a positive pee stick (that later turned out to be a chemical preg) and I told my husband, his initial reaction was similar to your husband's. He later told me that he was just in shock and had to process everything. He was happy but I guess scared, too, and it took him a day or two to "process" before he started acting really excited, so hopefully your husband will come around. Congrats on being pregnant!!